Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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