I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Can I color on your dick again?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
