My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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