Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize