sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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