can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
