Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
