Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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