What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
