God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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