last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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