Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
