There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
