dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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