Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
