So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
is that a dick in a sweater?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
