ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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