She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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