Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
