the condom got lost in my hair
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
