We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
