White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
