my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
