she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
