He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
