and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
