Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Randomize
