I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
