nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
