he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
