I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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