I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
