I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize