So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We are all done wearing pants today
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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