Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
