Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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