Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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