The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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