Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Your cock deserves a montage
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
