I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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