I have demons in me.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
