I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
