I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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