Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
