The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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