Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
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The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
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You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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