my phone needs a breathalizer
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
