her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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