We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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