I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
