I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
