I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
