are you still at the devil's house?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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