Where did you get a picture of my penis
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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