I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
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she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
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I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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