y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
