Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
