So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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