I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
