My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
